Exhaustion

flatI am so tired, I could sleep for a week and still need more.

The last three days of the intensive were good. Better than the rest. There was an awesome kirtan on Sunday night. One of the participants made MP3 recordings of all of the lectures (including the kirtan) assembled the files and made copies for us all. (Om Namo, Tashi Dawa, you gorgeous Arnhem Land yogini).

I also spoke my mind during the feedback session about how hard I’d found the intensive. No doubt they think I’m the goddamn winging bitch from hell, but hey, I was just saying what everyone else was thinking (and saying privately) but was too chicken to say. I did, however, state my issues in a constructive manner. I also provided written feedback with suggestions for improvement.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I did want the ‘connection’ with my teachers. I didn’t want them to be aloof and indeed, several weren’t, but there were more who were aloof than weren’t, so the odds are stacked. Hmm… perhaps after 7 ½ years in the Northern Territory, and also after spending most of my life in a country town, I prefer a personalised, friendly approach to life rather than one that’s cool and formal. Can’t do the whole ‘New York/London/Sydney-too-cool-to-smile thing.  I’ve got time to sit down and have a chat and get to know you. I like doing that. That’s why I’m an anthropologist.

Besides, we are all one. Why should I not have time for you/myself?

The simple thing is that cramming and being rushed isn’t my style. I should’ve opted for the month long training option. Ahh … but hindsight’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

Perhaps I should have sorted registration for the other asana training I’ve done (albeit, 9 and 7 years ago) and the experience I’ve had, and then applied to complete a Level 2 course rather than a Level 1.  The focus was really on how to get up in front of a class of people and teach. I’m not saying I didn’t learn anything, just that, well … I’ve been teaching group fitness classes for 20 years and yoga for 4 years.  Hell, I wanted to study the Yoga Sutra and the Bhagavad Gita. I wanted to go really deeply into functional anatomy and meditation. I really wanted to connect with my teachers.

I guess it didn’t it happen.  

It was sad saying goodbye to everyone. My cabin mates, Caroline, Tracy and my stunning Ashtangi roommate, Fiona, along with Tashi, Isma, Susannah (I am thinking of you), Allison (will see you next month), Hamidah, Jenny (awesome girl), Viveka, Dee (who’s staying on) and everyone else … it was hard to leave you all as you’d become my surrogate family. You all helped me get through when things were falling apart. In all there were 20 of us and there were no cliques, no bitching about others. I’ve never encountered anything like it – especially when nineteen of us were women! I love you all.

Will I do Level 2 with this organisation? Ahh… food for thought. The teaching was good quality – just too basic for me. The accommodation was great, the food also very good. The setting was bliss. I guess only time will tell if I go back for more.

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2 thoughts on “Exhaustion

  1. Glad you’re back in one piece, and that in the end, you got some great stuff out of that.

    Weren’t we talking a while back now… about a sense of kula? About not feeling so isolated and having others to talk to about where you’re at? Obviously I’m glad to chat to you as well, but how nice you now have so many others that you feel connected with!

    Its a shame about the level of teaching, but hey, now you’ve got an understanding of where you’re at, and where you need to get to next.

    All up, whilst perhaps not quite what you were expecting/hoping, it seems to have been a very successful time away for you.

    We need to swap email again soon… 🙂

  2. thanks for your long “blab” on my blog! you make some excellent points, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to use your comment for a new post….

    shanti!

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