Yesterday, the blog had its one thousandth visitor. I suppose I should give something away…
I’m going to give away teaching at the gym. After 20 years, I’ve had enough. There’s a few things tied up in this, so I’ll elaborate.
- 1. I’ve been acting as Regional Manager (of a small government department) for the past month, I’m trying to finish my PhD thesis by 31 December, I’m a mum, a partner. I also like to have time for my own exercise and yoga practice… I’m busy. Practising choreography for classes takes as much time – sometimes longer- than teaching the class itself.
- 2. Teaching fill-ins. It doesn’t matter if I say: I can’t. They/I guilt-trip me into doing so.
- 3. Cliques -there are the instructor cliques, and then there a few of us oddities who stand on the outside. I hate cliques… and funny, but those of us who work fulltime, aren’t in any clique. Why is that? WHY?
- 4. My daughter, with whom I teach Body Attack, is leaving for university next month. The highlight of my teaching career has been teaching with my daughter. What more is there than that?
- 5. Because I am teaching so much, I am not getting to classes that I want to do for myself -especially Pump. This really PISSES ME OFF.
- 6. Yesterday, I was given a permanent promotion in my real job. I have staff to manage and more meetings to go to. I want to keep doing my job well. I can’t do this when I am required to constantly give out more than I have to give…!
These are the reasons against me teaching.
However, there is the also real reason I teach: my participants.
The people who come to my classes, who start in the back corner, work their way up to the front row, and sometimes, even become instructors. They mean a lot to me.
On Thursday night, I breathed to some of my participants that I might be leaving, and some of them begged me not to leave. What do I do?
Even though there are so many things stacked against me, and I have so little time, I am finding it hard to stop teaching. It’s like I can’t let go. I want to let go, I want to say: no more. But there is some stupid little part of me that says: keep going.
Why? There is nothing in it for me, except a free gym membership, which I can easily afford.
Why is it so hard to give up?