It seems rather silly to maintain this blog at all.

As a medium for communicating my thoughts and feelings, Twitter and Facebook have replaced blogging for me.

I was going to write a parting post and delete the blog, but then I realised that the blog is a PR3 and in many ways, an asset to my business.

So I think I’ll leave it up for the time being, purely for my own evil purposes. (Insert evil laugh).

Updating Life

2011 was a pretty crap year for me. In late 2010, I was promoted to a director’s position in the agency I work for. This means I’m in senior management, doing strategic management rather than operational management. I do very, very little anthropological fieldwork anymore.

I do get on planes a lot, though.

I suffered months of depression, struggled to act simultaneously in 3 positions at work, and did not enjoy managing certain individuals at all. Afterall, I am an anthropologist. I have no quals in management, and have no FREAKIN’ desire to obtain an MBA.

Steep learning curve, indeed!

However, on a positive note, I completed a course in forensic anthropology and became involved in the identification of human remains found near Alice Springs in late November. This side of anthropology has always been a passion, and I’ve decided to pursue this by undertaking a Masters in Archaeology this year.

(not insane, I’m just no ordinary girl)

On the business side, my partner and I started an online business (Travel Outback Australia is part of that). I’m pleased to say that in the last 6 months of 2011, we made $4000 online.

This is where I’m heading in 2012. Thus, this blog still has a purpose.

The River House

In late 2010, Gary and I bought a second home.

This is a complete retreat, on 24 beautiful bush acres, right on the Murray River in South Australia. The river is 50 metres from our front steps.

There’s no streetlights, you can’t see any neighbours and there are NO FREAKIN hoons in cars roaring past.

At night, it’s quiet and dark.

This might sound scary to city folks, but for those of us who are healed by nature and time away from people, it’s a blessing.

We’ve spent quite a lot of time going back and forth this year, spending most of our holidays here. There’s gardens, sheds, chicken yards, horse stables, and lots and lots of natural bush.

Our plan is to move here in a couple of years.

Yoga

…Next question.

I’m quite disgusted at one section of the yoga community.

Not here in Australia, but those Stateside.

I mean, most people know that before you open your mouth, it’s a good idea to check your facts.

Unfortunately, some folks don’t share this philosophy.

Even stranger, they unfriend you when you point out their mistake.

The uncritical acceptance of things that simply aren’t real/true is something I can no longer abide.

I haven’t been practicing yoga regularly. At least, not the yoga that most in the yoga community would recognise.

Perhaps being a real yoga rebel is part of the shift I’m ready for this year.

My inspiration: no one you’d ever imagine or associate with yoga.

Let’s just say, from now on most of my yoga will be very, very private.

Focus

Over the past 2 years, I’ve learned more than I ever would have imagined about things like HTML, SEO, writing copy and more.

All things which have re-ignited by creative fires and given me passion where I had none.

This was a journey that began with Desert Book Chick (my book blog which I’ve killed off) and continued with Travel Outback Australia.

I’m sure you’re not wondering what I’ll be focussing on right now, but in the off chance that you are:

• freedom
• simplicity
• owning/doing less

Sampai jumpa lagi

It’s a long, long time since I’ve updated this blog.

I can tell you that I won’t be updating this blog often, as I’ve moved on. However, as it continues to get a lot of hits and people seem to enjoy the content, I’ll leave it up here.

If you’re looking for what I’m up to, or want to get in touch, please try the following:

Desert Mandala
Facebook
Twitter

And the site that’s making us serious internet money: Travel Outback Australia

Love to hear from you soon

My work has been crazy-busy, so busy I am not even going to attempt to explain it, and now I have run right up against my holiday (vacation).

In fact, I started my annual leave yesterday, but today (Saturday) I spent 3 hours in the office without interruptions and was able to finish something which should have been finished 3 weeks ago. Tomorrow, I’ll be going back to finish off more work which I simply haven’t been able to get near for nearly two months.

On Monday then, we head off into the desert for three weeks. Whilst I was intending to schedule some posts when I was away (both here and on my other blog) I’ve been so busy this hasn’t eventuated.

The desert? The Simpson Desert, the Oodnadatta Track and various other places. Place so remote, there’s no electricity. No internet and definitely NO mobile (cell) phone reception. We are meeting up with my brother and his family at Maree. (Please check out the links). Then we will be driving north and camping out under the stars along the Oodnadatta Track, up to Dalhousie Springs, up through the Simpson Desert and eventually back into Alice Springs.

This trip has been over a year in the planning, and we are all so excited to start our fabulous journey… and to have a rest and recharge out bush away from everything. Thus, if you’re waiting to hear from me, see a reply to a comment or email or wonder when and IF I’ll be writing again…

…I’ll be back in three weeks.

Namaste

…and burnt red earth.

I drove down into the top of South Australia and saw the Hugh River flowing like I’ve rarely seen it flow before. The birds were incredible, budgies and cockatiels, and Songlarks and Crested Bellbirds and of course, Honeyeaters:

…And the road and sacred sites

… the reasons I was let loose on the world.

I was doing yoga for nearly 5 years before I had the courage to even attempt a headstand.

For me, it’s a bit of a cliche that Sirsasana is called ‘the King’ of yoga poses … the pose that you absolutely must do if you’re anywhere near serious about yoga. Go into a yoga class and people look at you with something less than respect if you can’t pop a headstand in the middle of the room. Personally, I think Ardho Mukha Svanasna is the ‘king’ of poses,  and -I’ll be honest here- it irks me that those same people can’t hold adho mukha svanasana and just be with it for 2 minutes to save their lives. But then, why do we need ‘king’ or ‘queen’ poses anyway? Which is a whole other post… so I’ll leave it there.

What I am interested in sharing is realisation that I had whilst figuring out my journey through Sirsasana, and whether I could apply the same principles to Adho Mukha Vrksasana (AMV/handstand). (I’m currently playing with AMV in my home practice).

Time to Back Track….

As a child I was told not to do headstands, handstands or anything that involved putting pressure on my neck because I might end up in a wheelchair. Or worse.

Now, I’m sure my mother told me this because she was worried that I might hurt myself. As both my brother and I are adopted, from an early age, I detected a level of protection on behalf of my parents which other children did not experience, and -unfortunately- was at odds with my independent personality. In the end, I just ‘did stuff’ and Mum never knew.

However, that early ‘tape’ about headstands, neck injuries, paraplegia and death was recorded by my brain. It’s still playing, although I’ve taught my brain that, as I have a healthy neck and no other medical contraindications, I am allowed to do headstands.

Fast Forward: 2010, My Bathroom

After I did my first wobbly Sirsasana against the wall at home, and then got up enough courage to go public with it, I spent a lot of time watching, talking and learning. There was something that I learned about Sirsasana which came back to me the other day as I lifted up into AMV -against the wall in my bathroom (was subsequently busted by my son, who asked what on Earth  I was doing!). The secret to headstand wasn’t just the pressing down of the forearms into against the floor, it was THE CORE!

In AMV, it’s all about the core. A strong switched on set of belly muscles meant that I was able to find an amazing sense of ease and balance very quickly, rather than just kicking up and hoping for the best.

Washing in the Rain

Later, as I was running from house to laundry in the middle of the biggest wet (translation: most rain) we’ve had in 8 years, something else occurred to me. Having a strong core is the key to everything. Not just on the yoga mat, but off the yoga mat as well. I’m talking about the metaphoric core here, the metaphoric central foundations, fundamentals, heart, basics of almost anything I do. I can run, because I can walk, I can walk, because I could crawl, I can crawl because I could sit … and so on, right back down to breathing.

So the lesson for me is: don’t be in a hurry to progress (not that I often am these days, when you pass 30, you learn patience), and spend a lot of time strengthening the core, no matter what it is that I’m trying to achieve. Go back to the core and love it very much. Admire it from time to time and just be with it, rather than lifting up into yet another headstand.

In loving the core, the basics, you find the strength and freedom to fly.

Cat Wheeler is the author of Dragons in the Bath, a book I reviewed on my other blog Desert Book Chick earlier this week.

Cat lives in Bali, Indonesia, and is intensely involved in environmental education and social development:

Environmentalist, writer, Reiki master and remorseless optimist, Ibu Kat helps to raise funds, write proposals and design programs for a variety of environmental and community needs.

She lives in Ubud with three dogs, a bald parrot, and a succession of unsolicited wildlife.

Cat, who’s lived and worked in Bali for nearly a decade, has written a book that presents a rich tapestry -both humorous and informative- of life in Bali. Dragons in the Bath is rich with ritual, authenticity and understanding. As I have a strong connection with Indonesia (I went to university in Java for a while) and visit nearly every year, I enjoyed Cat’s insights into life in Bali. Being an anthropologist who specialises in environmental anthropology, I found Cat’s book and experiences both entertaining and sobering.

Although Bali (and most of Indonesia) is not stricken with poverty like other places, it suffers from underemployment, overpopulation, lack of infrastructure and is reeling from the effects of the Green Revolution and an obsession with plastic wrapping. Add to this the millions of tourists who visit Bali every year, and the pressure upon the island’s environment shouldn’t be hard to imagine. Indeed, it’s almost unthinkable that a tropical island like Bali would suffer from water shortages, but it does.

Keen to learn more, I decided to ask Cat (known in Bali as Ibu Kat) a few questions about her book and the issues it raises.

DBC: What has been the reaction to the book in Bali, especially from those people or the communities you write about?

Cat: So many expatriates living here have contacted me to say how much the book resonates with them, and how accurately it reflects their lives here.  They buy it for friends and relatives to help them understand the realities of living here.

When I write about issues and NGOs, I always tried to include contact details in the book so readers can follow up if they are so moved.  In several cases this has resulted in donations, visits and broader networks.

DBC: I enjoyed the manner in which you conveyed the complexity of environmental and social issues in contemporary Bali. For example, the collection of tropical fish by Balinese fishermen is not a simple matter of stopping or prohibiting people from collecting fish; rather you showed that there are communities and families which rely on the income from these industries, and the answer to ensuring the survival of endangered species and entire ecosystems might be education and the adoption of sustainable collection methods. In hindsight, how effective are education, community control and management in relation to sustainable harvests such as live tropical fish? What have been the longer term outcomes for the communities involved?

Cat: It is a slow process, of course, but community involvement is probably the most effective and sustainable method of environmental management. (If you want specific details about the tropical fish issue, please contact Gayatri Lilley whose project this is at gayatri@lini.or.id).  These situations need win-win solutions.  Outsiders, whether they be government agencies or well-meaning foreigners, can’t just walk into a community and impose a solution.  The communities know what their problems are and what will work.

DBC: In the book, you mention underground rainwater reservoirs in Australia. Rainwater collection from roofs into rainwater tanks is a primary water source for many rural and semi-rural Australians: rainwater tanks, gutters and downpipes are everywhere. Yet it is astounding to me that hardly any rainwater is collected in Bali (and other parts of monsoonal Asia), given the both the reliability of the monsoon and the well known problems about scarce water resources in these areas. Are rainwater tanks not culturally appropriate, too expensive or simply not widely known in Bali? Do you think they could offer part of the solution to securing household water supplies?

Cat: I believe part of it is cultural/social…  strategic planning is not part of the culture here!  This is probably due to the tropical abundance which ensures people will never go hungry, so the skills of planning ahead for survival through a cold winter never had to be developed (they are hard-wired into Scandanavians and Canadians!) (DBC notes: this is exactly what I’ve noticed after 10 years of living and working with Aboriginal communities in Central Australia. Strategic planning is a cultural meme descended from thousands of years of life in cold climates).  Around most of Bali until a generation ago, people went to the river to bathe and socialise and do the laundry, and collected drinking water from wells or springs.  The capital costs of large rainwater tanks, guttering, taps and perhaps pumps are still too high for most families. I believe rainwater is the best solution here — during a heavy rain it all runs off into the sea and a week later people are complaining that there is no water!  My Rotary club and other organizations are investing in simple rainwater catchment tanks in dry areas. I understand the government has started to build dams, but I am having trouble getting information about these.

DBC: Having read anthropologist Stephen Lansing’s ethnography of the subak system, Perfect Order, I’m interested in hearing more about it from a resident’s perspective. To what extent is the subak system still functioning in Bali, and what is people’s current awareness of the role of this system in Bali’s economic and social structures?

Cat: The subak system is still operating well in more remote areas such as Jatih Luih (one of Lansing’s study areas) but it is breaking down in places around Ubud. The water supply on the island generally is decreasing dramatically as water tables drop.  Half of Bali’s rivers have dried up in the past decade.  Some subaks no longer grow rice at all because there isn’t enough water; the fields are fallow or now grow corn or peanuts.  In other areas, rice farmers are quarreling about water and witholding it from other farmers (this has never happened before as far as I am aware).  And of course subaks in the south and around Ubud have become housing developments. Bali loses about 800 – 1000 hectares of agricultural land a year to development.

I talk to farmers about this and they are bewildered. These are unsophisticated people, and rice farming is all they know.

DBC: Can you suggest some local community development/ environmental projects in Bali that would benefit from readers’ support?

These are a few of my favourites:

http://www.eastbalipovertyproject.org/(poverty alleviation, sustinable agriculture, basic health care, water)

www.humanitarianprojectsindonesia.org Cataracts/TB/cleft lip

www.fnpf.org (Friends of the National Park Fund – reforestation on Nusa Penida)

www.senyumbali.org (Smile Fund – facial deformities)

www.sjakitarius.nl (children with mental disabilities)

DBC: Lastly, have you plans for another book about Bali?

Cat: Well, the book came out of many years of writing the column, and I am still writing it… so there may be another one eventually.

If you’d like to learn more about Cat’s book and work, her website is here. If you’d like to learn more about  social and environmental projects in Bali, and get involved, please visit the links above. Finally, get hold of Cat’s book and give it a read. You’ll find find life through the eyes of an expat Canadian a hilarious and sobering read.

From time to time, Benny posts on other topics, too. The concept of ‘missions’ rather than New Year’s resolutions that I wrote about back in January came straight from Fluent in Three Months.

A few days ago, Benny put up a post on motivation called: One Simple Step to Improve Chances of Success in Any Mission. This post was about using blogging as a motivational tool to set and complete goals. Here’s a sample, but you absolutely MUST head on over and read this punchy, wholesome post:

…how is their blog and approach different to the vast amount of rubbish that you can find on blogger?

Well, they have worked on building a community around their goals. Rather than complain about how hard it is, they focus on the positive and share their tips on how others can achieve the same goals, and they engage readers to comment and keep the discussion going. Those readers will have their own experience and advice to share, especially if they have similar goals – through sharing, everybody wins.

Apart from the community, there is also pressure to achieve what you said you would. You are publicly announcing it to the world, rather than just to a couple of buddies next door. It’s a mind-altering thought that an Internet-enabled villager in Africa, or a rich billionaire, or a tango instructor in Buenos Aires, or a cook in Moscow can access your claim to reach your objective. The whole world is watching.

I have to say, that I’m guilty of doing this – if ‘guilty’ is the right word. Looking back over my past few posts, I’ve reached out to the blogging community and sought help, support, a shoulder to cry on, sympathy, a soapbox to preach upon about my recovery from depression and the disconnection I’ve felt from my real self.

The blogging community hasn’t let me down. It’s been just like the post Brooks wrote a couple of weeks back about the positive, supportive power of the yoga blogging community.  To steal Brook’s title, blogging really is a life-enhancer!

So now it’s time for me to come clean – and reach out to the blogging community again. My last couple of posts have been about my need to take a shamanic journey inwards, starting with fine tuning my outer vehicle. As I said yesterday, as others love watching TV, I love exercising and finding my body’s edges and challenging them. I’ve got a couple of missions and I’m going to go public with them.  I’ve got two missions I need encourage with.

The first mission is my Body Pump weight targets.

By June 2010, I want to be lifting:

• Squats: 30kg (current weight: 20kg)
• Chest Presses: 20kg (current weight: 15kg)
• Back and hamstrings: 20kg (current weight: 15kg)
• Triceps: 15kg (current: 10kg)
• Biceps: 10kg (my least favourite Pump track and weakest body part. Current weight: 7kg)
• Lunges: 20kg (current: 10kg)
• Shoulders: 12kg (current: 10kg)

Before you say: but 30kg on squats isn’t much, remember that I’m not doing meat-head exercises in the weights room where you get to rest for as long as you like after pushing out a measly 8-10 reps. That 30kg weight is on my back for 5 continuous minutes whilst the music is thumping away. If what I’m talking about here is all Greek to you, go here to learn what Body Pump is and why it’s the world’s most popular group fitness class.

My second mission is to run a half marathon by August 2010.

I’ve race walked half marathons several times (bragging time: in 2003 I won the racewalk section of the Alice Springs half marathon and broke the club record by 20min. When I say that I won, I mean I came first out of both men and women! Pinch me cos, I can still hardly believe it!). However, I’ve never run a half marathon – only a couple of 15km races. For years, the half marathon has remained a life long goal that I am yet to achieve.

My Plan and How You Can Help:

Firstly, I’m going to give my targets their own widgets on the blog. I’m going to put them out there, for every one to see. Especially me.

Secondly, I’m currently running 5km in my sessions (I’ve used Couch to 5km), but I need to find a realistic half-marathon program. This program would be ideally linked with an iPhone application. So if you’ve any 21K programs or iPhone apps to recommend, leave a comment.

Then, I also need some cross training encouragement: Body Attack on Thursday afternoon and Step on Friday afternoon. Simply putting this out here in public helps. So here it is again, for my benefit: Thursday afternoon Body Attack, Friday afternoon Step. For my Pump goals, I need to do three Pump classes per week.

Lastly, every Friday, I will post my training week in week in review.

Help me out: By commenting, encouraging me, and even joining in with me.  Missions are fun, but as Benny has said, it’s the community that gets you there, along with the subtle pressure of just letting others know what you’re doing and how far you’re come.

I love my muscly calves (which look ridiculous in spindly high heels).  I love that I can ask my body to walk up mountains, to run 10 km, to hit the floor and pump out 30 push ups on my toes. I adore my small, almost flat breasts. In contrast to other many other women, working with the body that I was blessed with has been the doorway into my soul. Maintaing my bodily vehicle remains the cornerstone of my mental health.

Here is My Story. Straight from the heart.

As a child, I was outgoing, precocious and perhaps a little too confident. I was a slighty nerdy Tomboy, who hated dresses, Barbie dolls, playing mothers and fathers and all the usual things little girls did. Instead of dollies and make up, my life was one of adventure, bike riding, horses (I owned two), playing in the bush, reading books, inventing fantasy worlds and cultures with my friends (this is my best friend from primary school) and getting involved in a few outdoorsy-type sports. I was an explosive ball of energy. In essence, the child I was has shaped the adult that I am.

I was a disappointment to my mother who wanted a girly-girl, not a bookish, half-wild Tomboy. In many ways, my own daughter has fulfilled this role for her. I didn’t fail my father: I was his fishing, bushwalking and handyman mate (so was my brother). Dad understands me in a way that Mum never has.

At age 15 my boundless confidence and exuberance vanished. Overnight, I discovered that I was a young woman, and that I was sorely lacking many of the things that society dictates as being desirable in a woman: for example, being tall and long legged, being slender but not muscular, being able to fuss and primp endlessly over clothes, looks, hair, shoes and handbags. At that stage, I also lived near the beachside suburb of Cronulla (in Sydney’s south),  so having a good tan was a must. I failed on that variable, too.

Another other aspect of my retreat from self confidence related to boyfriends and bullying. I am purposely lumping together ‘boyfriends and bullying’. My first boyfriend was a serious, capital L looser whose repulsive actions resulted in me being bullied at high school.

The Loser was the kind of guy that most parents dread: a barely literate high school dropout with no idea about personal hygiene and no concept of responsibility. He was a guy with no work ethic, no job prospects (or interest in getting a job) and zero interest in going back to high school. The Loser was also mentally unbalanced: not only was he a compulsive liar (worse, he actually believed his own bullshit), he refused to leave me alone when I told him it was over after 3 months. Instead, he resorted to threatening self-harm or threatening to set his own house on fire (which he did). Eventually, he held up a petrol station and ended up in juvenile custody. A real quality guy…

However, my self esteem was so low at that time, I thought the Loser was the only kind of boyfriend that a girl like me deserved. After all, I lacked nearly all of the attributes that our society deems valuable in women.

The Loser, thankfully, was out of my life in a relatively short time (about 11 months), but his putridness stained me. He stalked me and my friends for another 18 months after my father told him to piss off at my request (I’d been trying to tell him to fuck off for 6 months but he refused to listen to me). He threatened a guy I started dating a few months later, who was a really nice, decent guy (this is Mark’s website. He is my daughter’s father).  Thankfully, Mark –who as far as I know has never been in a fight in his life- called the Loser’s bluff, and the Loser backed down from all confrontations, and apologised.

My point is this: the Loser and the period of time marked by his stain were responsible for creating in me an internalised belief that I was short, fat and ugly. This is a powerful tape in my life, and I revert to it now when I get depressed. Certainly, there was an element of truth in this belief. Whilst I’d been seeing the Loser, I recall living on fast food and doing almost no exercise. I put on weight.  Once I’d stopped seeing the Loser, some of this weight disappeared.

As a consequence of the Loser’s stain on my life, I underwent some pretty weird behavioural changes. For example, for years afterward, I could not go out of the house without:

• Wearing full makeup, including (yechhh!) foundation (triple yech!!)
• Wearing a collared shirt (for some reason, I thought this drew attention away from my litany of physical flaws)
• Ensuring my knees weren’t showing (I hated my knees)
• Ensuring that my hair always covered my ears (I thought they were big! Which they are most definitely not)

This kind of self-loathing continued until age 19.

And then I started cycling.

Cycling changed everything. Within in 6 weeks, I was eating a healthy diet, began going to gym classes, began running again. Of course, I lost some weight. (Please note that I was not overweight. I never have been). Yet these were only the outer, physical changes. Inside, the benefits of exercise wrought far deeper beneficial changes.

I regained the self esteem and confidence that the Loser had stolen from me. I was suddenly and unintentionally whole, both psychologically and spiritually in a way that I had not been since I was a child. My interest in spiritual development blossomed, my outlook on the world became positive. Everything I needed flowed effortlessly into my life, like some big 1980s new age cliche. In all, as I worked on my outer shell and my body changed, or should I say reverted to a truer form rooted in childhood, so too did my inner world and all aspects of life.

To be disconnected from this deep truth as I have been over the past 6 months is to be out of balance. Massively out of balance with dire consequences for my mental health.

For me, this precedes a descent into depression, a loss of self confidence and an accompanying social phobia. It has nothing to do with me conforming to society’s cultural norms about women’s bodies: women should be skinny but lacking muscular definition, women should not sweat, women should not be physically strong, women should not lift weights etc. Nor is this about me viewing myself as a ‘body’ and only being worthy as a body.

This is about me being true to my soul… me wanting to return to who I really am.

That was what yesterday’s post -a plaintive cry to the self- was about. Just like a shaman accesses inner worlds where transformation can take place, I access such places via my body. For other people, this journey comes about when they begin to study meditation, yoga, spiritual discipline.  For me, it’s exercise and the finely tuned vehicle. When I am in this finely tuned outer state,  everything -and I mean everything- in my life comes into balance.

Thus, the connection between my physical state and my mental health lies at the core of who I am. I don’t expect others to understand this connection… after all -it is my connection. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy soul. It might sound like a cheesy marketing line for Metamucil, but it ain’t. It’s the simple, pure truth about who I really and truly am.

So yes, I am happy to say I am back at the gym and back into running, just as I went back to yoga two months ago, and I’m loving it all. I want to push myself simply because I enjoy pushing myself physically. It relaxes me -seriously!-I work out to relax like other people flop on the lounge in front of the TV. And I find pure, unadulterated joy in using my body and playing with its edges.

Sometimes I will have bumps on the road -like yesterday- where I look back and acknowledge that I’m not how I usually am -I allow myself to feel remorse sadness for what was. I allow it so I can write about it and move on.

Let the journey begin.

Tomorrow: Benny’s post and why it’s relevant to this discussion

How far I’ve fallen from my former self (in the physical form) came starkly back to me today. At lunch time I had a chance meeting with a fantastic young woman, Lindsey, who’s taken over my old spot at the gym, teaching Body Attack.

 If anyone doubts that something like Body Attack can change your body, then you’d only have to look at a photo of Lindsey 6 months ago and one taken today. She looked fit previously, but now she has the lean athletic look that I had for most of my life. Quite simply, Lindsey looks awesome.

 But in the past 6 months with the thesis and depression, I’ve lost my hard athletic look. I haven’t put on weight, but I’ve lost muscle and the firmness it gives.

This really depresses me: I’m 43 in April, I’ll NEVER be able to get back to how good I looked even 6 months ago, much less how I looked at my peak, 3 years ago…

It’s a deeply ingrained belief in my head: I am OVER 40 and it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look hard and athletic without liposuction –don’t worry, I’ve already had a quote and it’s very tempting- and spending 3 hours per day exercising. (Please note that two hours is acceptable. Most days, before I went to Canberra, did what needed to be done to finish the thesis and got really depressed again, I did 2 hours of exercise most days).

 NOW there is something blocking me.  Something deep and black.

 I hate it. I want my body –myself- my self esteem and confidence, back…

 I want to come back to me.

Anthroyogini’s Accidentally Delicious Guacamole

You’ll need:

• 1 slightly over ripe advocado
• 1-2 tablespoons of light ricotta cheese
• 1 heaped teaspoon of sambal oelek
• 1/2 – 3/4 teaspoon of minced garlic
• 1 teaspoon of lime juice

What to do:

• mash the advocado
• add ricotta, sambal oelek, garlic & lime juice and combine
• EAT

Please share this recipe far and wide! I promise you that it’s absolutely scrummy.